


Letting Your Guards Down

by taieilie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, First Kiss, Homophobia, M/M, alternative universe, fluff at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 11:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14714843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taieilie/pseuds/taieilie
Summary: One night, one call, one kiss and one letter turned Youngho’s life upside down.





	Letting Your Guards Down

**Author's Note:**

> This is really random I still hope you will enjoy it 
> 
> *not edited

“Just for confirmation, say your full name and age. Say in which school you are and which class you attend.” the man with an expensive looking suit said, after he pressed the record button on the little camera sitting in front of the boy he had spoken to. His glasses were resting high on the bridge of his nose and his hands grabbed the pencil next to the notebook. 

The boy's hands were sweating as he pressed them together, to lose some tension. His own, normal suit was nothing compared to the one of the man, but it was okay. He could never afford anything like that. 

He was a student after all. 

 

When he spoke again, his voice wanted to crawl back into his body. It was rough to speak under such conditions. Even the water on the table couldn't help the thickness of his throat. It seemed like his body did everything to not  _ speak. _

From the side of his eye, he could see his mother looking confused. She still had no single clue what her son had to do with all of this. He was her only son, the good from all this bad out there. Always looking out for him and trying to give him the best from the best. 

He felt sorry for her to have to sit here with him. 

 

One last inhale and he opened his mouth, looking up at the man who was ready so write on his notebook. 

 

“My name is Seo Youngho, my American name is Johnny. I'm 17 years old and I'm in grade 11 on SM high.” He was impressed how his voice sounded so steady while his hands were shaking on the table surface. The man scribbled down on his paper, the sound of pencil running around the surface of the paper. 

The red light on the camera shone every few seconds and it seemed to distract Youngho for awhile. 

 

The air in the small room was thick and made Youngho sick. It's too hard to look the woman on the other side of the room. Her eyes filled with tears and holding a little keychain. 

 

He remembers this keychain, he bought this one summer night at the beach. A small moon hanging from a metal chain. 

It hurt to look at the small item, the memory alone making his heart break into half. 

 

“Mr. Seo. I want to ask you a few questions. Is that okay?” The man, a lawyer, asked looking up from his scribbling. The boy nodded to signal his confirmation. 

“you have to answer each question with nothing but the truth.” 

 

Again, a nod. He understood his situation, understood why he was there. He inhaled again, needing to remind himself to breath. His head was occupied with basically nothing but he couldn't seem to focus. 

 

“What kind of relationship did you share with Moon Taeil?” 

 

\-- 

 

_ One night  _

  
  


The boy was gorgeous, breathtaking and everything was fascinating about him. His silence was more than Youngho could have ask for. 

 

He was sitting there, tears drying on his cheeks. They were so beautifully pink, Youngho wanted to take a picture but that would be  _ rude _ . You don't take a picture of someone who had just been crying for over 30 minutes. 

The boy's hands been lying on the surface, picking at unused napkins - fingers ripping into tiny pieces. 

 

Youngho wasn't sure if he was in the place to take the elder’s hand - he still went for it. The latter pulled his hands away in a horrified way. 

The younger also knows exactly why. It wasn't a secret, that Moon Taeil had been bullied his whole life. Everything starting in middle school when he kissed another boy on the lips. It spread faster than fire in a dry forest. Never let it go ever since. 

He had been called names in the school hallways and was beaten up several times - even from people Youngho considered friends. 

The younger had never been one of them, but he also never tried to stop them either. Which was what made him feel guilty now. 

 

Youngho saw Taeil sitting in the booth alone when he walked in, already crying his eyes out. The small wounds on his face slowly healing, but the new ones only leaving bruises on his pretty face. Youngho was so angry that someone would even dare to hurt such a pretty boy. 

But on the other hand, he also never came out in fear for him to happen the same but now,  _ now _ he doesn't care one bit. 

 

He had been watching Taeil ever since he came to that school, he came all the way from America and had no one he knew, but the boy instantly made its way into his head. 

Maybe he should've come out, maybe people would have chosen him to beat up instead of Taeil. He would've taking everything. 

 

He was no prince in shining armour, he was too much of a coward. 

 

“Please just leave me alone here,” the boy mumbled between his hiccups, it shouldn't be cute but Johnny was  _ so mean _ to think that it's cute. 

“We can't risk the reputation of the baseball team's best player.” He smiles sadly and returned to rip at napkins. Youngho copied his motion in smiling at the older. 

He doesn't have anything to lose now, he doesn't even  _ care. _

 

“But I want to sit here,” He answered and grabbed a straw from the dispenser, to busy his fingers. Maybe he was a little nervous, but who wouldn't be in front of such a beautiful angle. 

“with you.” He finished and tried to steal a glance at the boy in front of him. His 17 year old heart beating in his chest. It doesn't take much longer and Taeil will be 18, an age of entering adulthood. Making him independent. 

 

“Don't lie.” He said roughly and threw a suspicious glance at the boy. He couldn't trust anyone so easily, not when basically everyone on his school mocked him and bullied him. He wouldn't trust this handsome guy so fast. 

 

He know  _ Johnny _ . Of course he knows him. He wouldn't know the good-looking exchange student from America. He had seen him several times in the hallways, he had been staring at him for hours in their shared English class. Youngho had a cute lisp when he spoke and that was what caught Taeil's attention. He was so carefree when he spoke in his mother language and he was in general a soft spoken when he talked to people. 

 

He asked Taeil to share his book at his first day, probably not knowing about his reputation at their school. He was a new student so how could he have known. 

Soon, he entered the baseball team and was so out of league that Taeil didn't even dare to look at him again. 

 

“I'm not lying. I wouldn't sit here, if I don't want to,don't you think?” Youngho smiled as he tried to meet Taeil's eyes again, leaning his face in to try to look through Taeil's bangs.  The boy's eyes were swollen and red, his cheeks covered with dried tears and new ones coming from his eyes. 

 

“I'm not forcing you to sit here. Please go.” Taeil said as an answer and ducked his head away from Youngho. 

After that there was only silence, none of them said anything. Youngho couldn't only hear Taeil's soft crying along the soft music coming from the old jukebox. A slow song that Johnny didn't recognize. 

 

Suddenly Taeil stood up and walked over to the counter, where a elderly woman cleaned the surface. His milkshake hadn't even be touched but he still needed to pay. 

He proceeded to pull out his wallet, started a little small talk with the woman. 

 

She stopped him before he could even open his wallet. 

 

“oh Taeil, someone already paid for your drink.” She smiled and pointed at Youngho, who was still facing them with his back. 

The older hurried out of the diner and rushed home on his bike, not caring to say  _ thank you  _ or saying a quick  _ goodbye. _

  
  


“You're so disgusting!” he was pushed against the wall of the boys locker room. He had sports and of course couldn't escape from the himulation from his classmates. “Staring at our bodies like a hungry animal! Fucking fag!” One of them spit out, and punched his side, making him groan and bend to half in pain. 

 

“You shouldn't be allowed at this school! Fucking disgusting!” Taeil prepared for the next punch but instead of that he heard a familiar voice from the entry of the locker rooms. 

 

“Stop it, Cheesung!” Taeil felt how his classmate was pushed away from his body. He couldn't even open his eyes to see what's happening and it felt like hours after he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“It's okay, Taeil. You're save now.” He heard a soothing voice and suddenly he just opened them, free from fear. He was met with Youngho’s face, but there was something off.

 

His lips had a cut and small droplets of blood ran down to his chin. Over his eyes was a punch visible, it will most definitely form a big bruise. 

 

Taeil's suddenly let out tears as his heart skipped a beat. He stumbled over into Youngho’s arms. 

 

It only took Youngho only _one_ _night_ to realize what he had to do. 

  
  


_ One call _

 

Youngho could only watch Taeil from the other side of the hallway. The older spent most of his time alone at school and Youngho asked himself if he even had  _ friends. _

 

He sits alone in school, during lunch, he's also alone when he spends time at the diner. The boy was too scared to ask  _ why. _

Taeil wasn't someone he should hang out with but does Youngho have the  _ need _ to be around the male. 

 

Youngho never questioned his sexuality but there was something about Taeil that was so fascinating. He was so smart and good-looking. Taeil's voice was so beautiful. 

 

After he had saved Taeil from his classmates, he gave Taeil his number just to be save. But he doubts that he even kept it. Taeil seemed like the person to not trust people so easily. Why would he? With all he had been through. 

Youngho things that Taeil deleted it after he went through the door. It was a stupid thought, Youngho tells himself, why does he even want Taeil to trust him? 

 

Of course it wouldn't be  _ love _ , that would go way too fast. It could be something that comes before love. Something that makes you want to be around this person and learn more,  _ protect them.  _ And that's exactly what Youngho did. 

 

Whenever he saw people going after Taeil, he went between them eating himself a few punches before they walked away. 

 

He still plays in their school's baseball team but of course they would at least  _ why _ he was protecting their favourite victim. He couldn't actually answer, he only said that he doesn't think it's fair. 

 

But that didn't stop them, they thought it was funny how their friend earned punches for this tiny boy. They didn't say anything else. 

 

One night, Johnny was lying around his room, the summer weather bringing the heat into his room. He only wore a thin shirt and shorts, avoiding the sun as good as he can. 

He avoided any social contact for the day, he would use this day to chill out alone and relax. No Sehun and no other idiots asking him to go to a random party. Not today. 

 

Out of nowhere his phone started ringing, bringing out a really humanly shriek Youngho hoped no one heard. 

He looked at his screen and saw the word  _ Unknown.  _ He sure as hell wouldn't pick up. Don't trust an unknown number. 

 

But when the number called twice, he finally picked up and let out a hurried  _ hello? _ . 

 

He heard hiccups from the other side and Youngho regretted not picking up the first time. 

 

“Taeil? What's wrong?” The other didn't say a word and used listened to Johnny's voice telling him that  _ it's okay _ . 

They spent at least 10 minutes like that until Taeil calmed down, sniffing softly. 

 

“I'm sorry..” Taeil said over the phone and inhaled deeply. Youngho smiled softly to himself, sure that Taeil would hear it in his voice. 

 

“I gave you my number for exact this reason. Please don't apologize.”

  
  


It only took  _ one call _ for Taeil to let his guards down towards Youngho.

  
  
  


_ One kiss _

 

Each night they spent hours on the phone, listening to the other's breathing when one of them fell asleep. They talked about everything and nothing. Taeil told him that he likes to sing and Youngho had been nagging him to sing him a lullaby ever since. 

Of course Taeil never did, it would be  _ too _ embarrassing to do that. 

 

They actually enjoyed each other's company, at least Youngho likes to think that. He tried to meet Taeil outside of his phone, but the elder always had stuff to do. At least, he said so. 

 

But after a few weeks of talking every night on the phone, Taeil  _ agreed.  _ They decided to meet at the diner from the first time they actually talked to each other. 

 

This time, Taeil let Youngho take his hand. No pushing away and no teary eyes. 

 

Youngho fell  _ in love  _ with Taeil's smile and his laugh. It was always so predictable that It would happen. How could he even doubt it one second that he wasn't falling in love with Moon Taeil. 

They spent hours at the beach after their little dinner. The moon was bright that night and the stars were brighter than ever. The water was so beautiful too, but Youngho couldn't believe his eyes when he took a glance at Taeil. 

 

The older was staring at the scene in front of him, admiring the water and the stars being mirrored in it. His eyes shone so beautifully, that it hurt Youngho’s eyes. He still couldn't believe how someone could call him  _ ugly _ or other untrue things. 

 

Moon Taeil was the most beautiful human being that existed for Youngho. He not only was beautiful from the outside,  _ oh no _ \- he was so beautiful on the inside too. He had a weird humour but it was so funny for Youngho. Even his tears were beautiful, but something Youngho never wants to see except when they're because of happiness. 

 

How could he only express his feelings? Expressing how much he wanted Taeil to stay by his side. 

 

They were now sitting in the sand and looking the scene, a soft smile on Taeil's face as Johnny stared shamelessly at the older. 

 

Only after staring at him for over 5 minutes that felt like an eternity, Taeil met his glance.  

 

It's like the earth stopped moving when Youngho moved instead. Taeil closed his eyes as if he expected what would come next, of course he did. He waited for this moment so long. He caught wind of his feelings after that one particular night when he accidently fell asleep on the telephone with Youngho. It were just seconds but when he awoke fully again he heard Youngho whisper sweet things like  _ you're the best  _ and  _ I'll always be there _ . Of course he would fall in love with the ;boy, his saviour. It wasn't even hard, he just had to go with the flow. 

 

Their first kiss was wonderful. Both were pretty inexperienced but that made it even more special. Their first kiss. 

 

\-- 

 

“I loved him,” Youngho said outright, not caring of his mother listening or gasping. This was about Taeil and he will tell the truth. He would scream it from the top of a building at this point. 

“and I still do. I fell for him a few month ago. I had a feeling that he loved me back.” He glanced at his mother and saw the heartbreaking expression. Also Taeil's mother had this look on her face. 

 

“When you love him, do you know where he is?” The man said after scribbling on his paper again. Youngho took a breath again, trying not cry. He held his tears in ever since the man started the video. 

 

“I have no single clue.” Youngho smiled bitterly and bit the inside of his cheek, hoping it would prevent the tears to come out. 

The man wrote again while his mother shook her head. 

 

\-- 

 

Youngho found a letter in his math textbook one evening, his homework still unfinished as the little paper slipped out of the pages. It fell to the floor and Youngho bent down to pick it up. 

 

It was barely 7 p.m. when he opened the letter. The handwriting so beautiful that Youngho smiled. 

 

This smile was soon gone when he read the first words. He should've seen this coming. Taeil was over 18 now and he recently got his driver's license. 

 

He was independent. He was free from this town. 

 

He read this one line over and over again - for hours until his eyes couldn't focus on it anymore. Tears staining the paper. 

 

_ I'm sorry, Youngho..  _

  
  


It took  _ one letter _ to break Youngho's heart and free Moon Taeil from this hell.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make it even darker but I couldn't do it. I just can't.


End file.
